When Arguing Is The Problem

Thursday, September 06, 2018

There’s a lot to learn from hearing two people argue. The first and most obvious sign is the raising of their voices. Maybe shades of red will flash in waves across their faces. You will wonder who was right and who was wrong. Then you’ll come to realize that what they’re really defending is their pride. 

Growing up in a Cuban household, I thought this was normal. If you wanted to get your point heard, you just had to speak louder over everyone else. Then I experienced some of this same “normal” behavior when it came to defending my faith to others. Some of the same visual cues were there--raising of voices, a wave of emotions, and trying to get my opinion across to others.

But when we look at God’s word, that’s the opposite of what our character should look like. There are very specific verses about grumbling, quarrels, and even revenge. So we have listed below, in three categories, how we can prepare our hearts before an argument.


Before the Encounter

There are actions we can take to prepare our heart and mind before we encounter quarrelsome people. The verses below share some guidance on how to do that.

“Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.” 2 Timothy 2:23-24 NIV

“Remind the believers to submit to the government and its officers. They should be obedient, always ready to do what is good. They must not slander anyone and must avoid quarreling. Instead, they should be gentle and show true humility to everyone.” Titus 3:1-2 NLT

“ What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? 2 You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it. 3 And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong — you want only what will give you pleasure.” James 4:1-10 ESV


When We are the Problem

Sometimes we feel like we have to defend someone or something. What does the bible say about taking actions into our own hands?

“Don’t answer the foolish arguments of fools, or you will become as foolish as they are.” Proverbs 26:4 NLT

“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” Romans 12:19 ESV

“Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.” Romans 12:17 NLT

“Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters.” Romans 14:1 NIV


Signs that You’ve Overcome

Like the fruits of the spirit, your character will show how the Holy Spirit is transforming you daily in this area. People will notice the change, and you will too, just like in these verses.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things, there is no law..” Galatians 5:22-23 NIV

“The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.” Proverbs 17:27-28 NIV

“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.” Proverbs 12:15 ESV

This list is not inclusive of all the passages in the Bible on arguments and molding our character to be more like Jesus. Find encouragement in these verses that you will overcome with the help of the Holy Spirit and the wisdom in God’s word.


Author: Diana R.



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